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Old 30th Nov 2018, 7:26 pm   #21
dave walsh
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

I suppose some people won't know that Churchill overcame his bouts of depression by naming it his "Black Dog" and "doggedly" working through-especially during a bit of difficulty with the Nazi's. He always had a fair amount of alcohol on hand as well which may have been a deciding factor along with Enigma and Radar etc.

My friend [who struggled with the kitchen floor][ always put his depression down to studying Philosophy at University which he believed drew him in too deeply. He switched to Classics so was always handy for a translation of humorous latin phrases but he'd already done a first year by then and felt the damage had been done. I thought it was maybe closer to home!

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Old 30th Nov 2018, 7:46 pm   #22
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Black dog,as suffered by one of the most famous folk in history,Sir Winston Churchill.I have clashed sorry!
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Old 30th Nov 2018, 8:37 pm   #23
dave walsh
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

We are [literally] on the same page David-although I suspect that's the wrong use of "literally" ...but better than most

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Old 30th Nov 2018, 8:48 pm   #24
HamishBoxer
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

I think what sometimes happens if I fail to refresh the page then I do not realise I am not looking at the last post like I think I am.
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 10:36 am   #25
Terry_VK5TM
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerodyne View Post
It is oddly heartening for me to realise that by far, I am not alone. Is that mean-spirited? After all, I wouldn't wish misery on anyone, so if it seems rather thoughtless, I apologise; and thanks to the initiator of this thread for being brave.

Tony
No, it's not mean spirited, it's exactly as you wrote - you are not alone and no apology is needed.

I suspect most everybody in this thread has, at one time or another, experienced what we are talking about, some have had a harder time than others for what ever reason but the most important point is that everybody is talking.

That in itself can be a great help.
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 11:14 am   #26
Karen O
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

This thread, for me at least, is an epiphany in itself!

My life has been full of self doubts and, as an engineer, I've had a fair helping of 'imposter syndrome'. Not helped by feeling that I have to work harder than everyone else to get recognition. I don't think I'm particularly bright (I struggle with even simple instructions) but I have pushed myself very hard. Maybe I would have been happier if I hadn't...? I dunno.

And despite all that pushing, I still feel as thick as the proverbial door knob!

Engineering means you're often looking out for trouble, and that doesn't carry over well to general life. I have mild OCD. But as a friend once said 'Would you get on a plane designed by an optimist?'
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 12:22 pm   #27
G4YVM David
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

That's good. I hadn't considered how our professional outlook affects our personalities. As a professsional pilot I am always looking for reasons not to go...not out of laziness but out of a caution born of fear and danger. The older I get the wider grows the gap between what I am happy with and what the ground engineers are happy with. I wonder whether it becomes.mild paranoia...if there's an east wind, the sun is up, a sparrow flies at three oclock and I haven't got my red socks on inside out. I just can't go. ����
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 1:14 pm   #28
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

There was a report on the BBC News site a few days ago saying that there a number of hospitals are now treating patients with depression with ketamine. Officially, these are no more than further trials or studies. There have already been successful studies in a number of countries, but there are some issues with the drug and it is not yet licenced for the purpose, but it looks like some centres have decided take a "flexible" approach. One problem at the moment is that the drug has to be administered by "infusion" in to the bloodstream every two days.

I believe that it is the case that, faced with a lack of progress in understanding depression, all of the big pharmaceutical companies have abandoned work on new anti-depressants.

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Old 1st Dec 2018, 1:18 pm   #29
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Much of what is bound up with depression can relate to deeply private and seemingly unique concerns and worries. It's the human condition. A thread like this should remind us we are not alone - we really aren't.

Steve
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 1:25 pm   #30
Aerodyne
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Terry, thanks for your positive comment, appreciated.

Karen, your comments fit me perfectly, as I'm sure they fit many others on this thread. Self-doubt is one of the keys - the impostor we are, the face we present to the world. I taught for the best part of 25 years in secondary schools. My ritual before entering a classroom was a full intake of breath and to 'become' the teacher who walked through the door. I played the part, acted it if you like. For my teaching time, I was no longer Tony, but 'Mr. Thompson' to the boys I taught. And do you know, the deception worked! Deception it was, but who was deceiving who? I think it was self deception.

I tried a similar procedure fairly recently when I was asked to give a talk to a radio club. That seemed to work OK too. Even so, self-doubt is always present and it can and sometimes does hold us back... can I really do this? Who am I kidding? Will people see through the deception, to the timid child inside the man?

Mild OCD. Me too. The times I unlock my workshop door to check if everything is turned off, only to repeat the process yet again.

Chances are, Karen, that you are not as thick as you think you are. Simply thinking you are thick tells me that you cannot be. Truly thick people are not capable of seeing their own limitations (IMHO!)

David, I'd be reassured if you were piloting the plane I'm on.

Tony
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 1:38 pm   #31
mole42uk
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Reading this thread has done me a power of good.
Thank you.
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 1:59 pm   #32
Terry_VK5TM
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

I can understand Karen's comments.

Having been in the commercial repair trade (amongst a thousand other things), every time I did a repair was the feeling of 'did I do it right, did I miss something and how long will it last'.

The fact that in 99% of the cases I never saw them again so they must have been OK just didn't register (with allowance for the small % that may have failed and wasn't brought back).

At one place, I had other techs coming to me to diagnose or give ideas about repairs they were working on and I remember thinking to myself 'Why are they asking me, I don't know what I'm doing'.

I had done my years in training and was regularly in the top 1% of the classes in theory and practical, it was such a strange sensation.

Now if I could only remember all that theory
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 4:50 pm   #33
mark_in_manc
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerodyne View Post
My ritual before entering a classroom was a full intake of breath and to 'become' the teacher who walked through the door. I played the part, acted it if you like.
That was very much my experience in teaching too - though it took me a couple of (dreadful, dreadful!) years to work that out I miss it now that I no longer teach - when the 'red light goes on' you've got to *do it*, and that was often enough to pull me out of a slump for the rest of the day.

Talking of engineering approaches which spill over into everyday life, I notice myself 'bracketing' general life problems I don't understand, and letting some variable go to zero, then infinity, and working back in from there. Psychologists call one end of that bracket 'catastrophizing' and apparently it's a Bad Thing. But yes, I want to ride on the plane where someone thought about the wings dropping off
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 7:02 pm   #34
G4YVM David
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Funny world...I too trained as a teacher. I stuck it for a year or so befor banging out, doing a series of jobs and eventually getting to fly. Im also ordained now but have always taught someone somewhere...flying usually as an instructor full size and model. Spent years as a manahement trainer.

I enjoy pedagogy, its a satisfying challenge.

David
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 8:06 pm   #35
G6Tanuki
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Fascinating how this thread has revealed that plenty of us have a range of non-canonical mood/mindfulness perspectives.

I've never been a 'teacher' in the schools-sense but I've done plenty of presentations to audiences of a few hundred international representatives - when you realise Larry Ellison [CEO-at-the-time of Oracle Corporation] is in the audience it can be worrying - but I took advice from someone who told me to imagine your audience are all naked - because 'naked people are deeply vulnerable - and you're the only one who's not nude!'

In the last couple of years my big thing for mood- and attitude-positivity has been to replace all the nasty "warm-white" everybody-looks-like-they-have-terminal-jaundice CFL 'bulbs' and not-mich-brighter Halogens in my house with "Daylight" 6500K-or-whiter LED installations. Now at the flick of a switch I can render the entire house with 2500-Lux as-bright-as-midsummers-day light! And with the efficiency of LEDs I can banish those niggling 'how much is this costing me?' anxieties to oblivion.
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Old 1st Dec 2018, 8:27 pm   #36
dave walsh
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Psychopathic personalities are free from doubt and anxiety. Rather than roaming the streets as "Psycho Killers", studies show they are often at the head of large Corporations or Government Organisations spreading charm, confidence and a sense of certainty as they go. I could give you a few examples-one runs a large Medical Charity-ironically!

Dave
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Old 3rd Dec 2018, 2:02 am   #37
suebutcher
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Self-criticism is absolutely necessary when I'm working. I'm slow, but I want my work to be the best I can reasonably achieve, and not significantly worse than the last thing I got published. The problem is turning it off when I want to relax! So rather than risk a mood crash after a job, I busy myself with hobby projects. Which is why I'm here.
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Old 3rd Dec 2018, 12:12 pm   #38
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

If anyone wants to read a really good book on ‘depression’, I can recommend Andrew Solomon’s acclaimed “The Noonday Demon, An Atlas of Depression” (9781501123887). Solomon is a prize-winning American author who has had his own problems with the depression. This (sizeable) book is not one of the usual "self-help" (pot-boilers) but is layman’s attempt to make sense of the subject. It was first published about 10 years ago (in hardback only I think) and there is a much more recent 2nd edition. First edition copies are now selling for as little as ~5, so are a good buy. It could make an interesting book to browse through over the Christmas break. Few will read it from cover to cover. But there’s some really interesting stuff within. I don't think there's anything else comparable to it on the market.

B
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Old 3rd Dec 2018, 1:26 pm   #39
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

Quotes, Sayings, Mantras And Other Reflection That I Find Help Me Keep Depression At Bay:

'If' (Rudyard Kipling): my Mum's handwritten copy;

"Desiderata" (Go placidly amidst the noise and haste; remember what peace there may be in silence ... avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations of the spirit ... etc.)

'Assume nothing, check everything'

'The inner me is like a lion tamer, armed with a chair & a whip and facing a cage filled with different breeds of prowling, snarling beasts:
anxiety over global environment/over-population/waste of planetary resources; rage at politicians (national and overseas), frustration at the way democracy seems to be the architect of its own impending demise; self-doubt; losing control of mental/physical health as I get older ... our daughter's future (both within the NHS as well as personal);

... and as I see the bars of the cage weaken, the beasts rush forward snarling, all eager to rip my fragile, child-like soul apart. Then the brilliant white light of determination that appears at the front of my mind, building from a quiet, careful assessment of my strengths; the acknowledgement of my weaknesses; the identification of threats and future opportunities. My resolve becomes firm; the whip cracks as I move forward, holding the chair high against the snapping teeth and vicious claws ... the beasts retreat, the bars close and the cage becomes strong again. But I never look away from that cage, knowing that the beasts will always be in there, waiting for my guard to drop - even for a second'

Reflecting upon the kindness, patience and tolerance (!) over the years of all those family & friends who 'Helped Make Me Who I Am' - but who are no longer here to accept the credit (or take the blame??) ) - yes, they'd all laugh with me at that ... and to name but a few:

Mum & Dad;

Auntie Sarah, who taught me to read;

Grandad Bill, who spent so much time for (and with) me in his workshop, following my imagination and sketches/drawings as best he could in creating a tin-can-based version of 'Robert the Robot' as featured in one of my favourite childhood TV programme, 'Fireball XL5' ("sorry, Guy, I can't work in translucent plastic");

'Best man' at our wedding - Tim Harrison (ex-Parachute Regiment), his stoicism, wit, worldly wisdom ... and his greeting whenever I phoned him: 'Hello, Mr. G!" ...

So many good souls, still there with me in my memory, influencing my daily life and supporting me in all my endeavours. I am truly a 'Lucky Man'.

G.
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Old 4th Dec 2018, 11:11 am   #40
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Default Re: Waiting for an epiphany..

I've found this helpful as well
Attached Files
File Type: pdf Pinpointing_Nasty_Cognitions.pdf (172.7 KB, 36 views)
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